Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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