You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
