apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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