im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
