we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
