True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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