There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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