We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
