I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
false alarm, still single
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