Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
