i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
