i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
