If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
