why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
