P.S. I can't hear my feet
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
