Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
