I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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