Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
