Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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