i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
