im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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