Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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