I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
