You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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