had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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