I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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