Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize