I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didn't notice because vodka
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
