Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
