it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
