walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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