At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
