Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
