Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
