Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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