So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
