I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
