hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
