Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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