you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
