im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
