I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
