i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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