Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
