You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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