he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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