dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
