i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
