I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
