Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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