this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
