Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
